ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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