I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
