I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They took my balls.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
