I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
