Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As shirtless as possible
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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