fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
