Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
