Will you blow on my dice?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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