I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
