I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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