2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
