I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
