I think scott just propositioned me for sex
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
People in love make me want to vomit
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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