I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
