i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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