Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
