my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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