New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
