He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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