Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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