I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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