Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
