He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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