I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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