Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
