She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
