I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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