Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
