I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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