There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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