i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
