And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
