as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
