I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
