my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
