I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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