You can't motorboat a personality
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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