are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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