the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
