she was so not down for the gang bang
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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