my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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