i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
