Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
