I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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