I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
