You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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