So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
