i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
