Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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