Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
