my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
