So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
