I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
