oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can feel your judgement through the phone
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
