Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
