i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
