the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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