I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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