You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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