Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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