I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you had me at cake vodka
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
