this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
