And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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