Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
