Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
