I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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