You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
