pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
