In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
